Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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