i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
