I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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