I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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