so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
