Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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