I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
