So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
