That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
