If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
