if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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