This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
