You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
COCAINE IS GR8
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
