He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
