kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
