Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
