Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
