i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
