You're completely useless in the revolution.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
