no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
