he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
