this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
