Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
