My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
