I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
