I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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