first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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