Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
