I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
