3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I pour the whiskey from now on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
