im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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