i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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