I got chris browned last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
