He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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