I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
