is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
