Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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