so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
