I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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