do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
