A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
