ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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