As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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