never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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