Plan B is the new Plan A
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
