Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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