Reggie can tackle my bush.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
