i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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