I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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