well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
