im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
