me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
