I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
