Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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