My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
