The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
