so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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