an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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