Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize