...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do herpes really smell.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
