Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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