Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
