Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
