dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
