I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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