yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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