Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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