Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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